The Vortex Diaries

Changes happen although some changes are stupid and unnecessary.

The building I live in is getting some much needed repair work. Yesterday, they finally fixed the roof and they began stripping out the radiators.

Even the men who are taking the radiators out said that is was kinda stupid to take them out when MOST of them were working perfect… but when you have a scum bag, money grubbing landlord… it is an issue of money.

Most of the apartments in the building are now empty due to two families getting evicted over uncontrolled pets, and the apartment I was promised downstairs is now going to the landlords daughter. That REALLY pissed me off because I have been waiting for about 7 months for that apartment, and she is gets preferred treatment because her father is the fucking landlord!

But then is this Fate?

I have been contemplating this since last night when I was told the news.

Now that Master X is in my life, and when he finally gets back to the States, there will be many changes in my life. Things are going well with us, and I am finding myself becoming very aware of my growing feelings for him.

It has been difficult to let go of my former Master… but I am also waking up to the reality of our relationship, how it got to the point it did and realizing that it over completely between us after three and a half months!

The other night Master X ask me a question about moving and where I’d like to live, and ya’ll know I am ready for relocating… BUT there is A LOT to be done before that can happen. Master X has to get back to the States and get settled back in a bit first, and then decide what steps to take next.

As things progress, we are both aware of what direction we want to take, and this summer is gonna be one of many changes… which makes me wonder about this Fate thing.

I know that there is no future in Stepfordville for myself or Master X… and definitely NOT one for us as a couple! The area is pretty but extremely limited in opportunities for progress, and I have tried to make him aware of that.

Since I was jipped out the apartment I have been waiting for, could it be that there is some where else that I am going?

Only time will tell.

Now that Ms. Drama Queen here has settled down a bit… I think it is time to focus.

It seems as though when a part of your life is imbalanced… everything gets a bit off. All the focus goes into this whiny, “oh woe is me” stage where you can’t seem to get your mind off of what caused the drama and the imbalance.

That has been the past couple of months of my life. The loneliness and isolation of my life has been unbearable at times. Try as I might to keep busy… it wasn’t working…. and you have no fucking idea how much I wanted to be delete this blog and start over!

The Emotional Guidance Scale stood laughing at me like some kind of weird tormentor, and poor old Abe-Hicks had better not even look at me crossed eyed cause I might just have to bitch slap them good!

Now enters a new relationship into my life… and guess what? Ms. Thang here allowed fear to control her and she started running like a mad banshee! Starting a new relationship is scary stuff, and after all the crap with my former Master… I have been playing this mind/heart game with myself.

Do I or don’t I????

I do but “WTF!?” I started pushing away while kicking and screaming.

Creating demons that didn’t need to be created while trying to destroy what has the potential to be the best thing in my life! All because I have “issues” stemming from the past…. and from former Master.

Now that this is being dealt with and my new Master is in my life…. it is time to refocus.

Now that I know what I don’t want… what is that I do want?

To continue my journey with the Law of Attraction  while exploring the depths of Wicca and Paganism along with discovering this woman that emerging inside of me.

Funny how the ending of a relationship can kinda place you on this roller coaster of drama, and create such de-focusing of the journey until one day you wake up to find the possibilities are endless to what WooHooeyNess awaits for those who dare accept it!